I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
