i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
