Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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