Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
