If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He passed out mid-signature
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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