they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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