Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
