I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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