What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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