hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
