You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
