omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we're making bets on your personal life
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
