I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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