He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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