It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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