Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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