Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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