I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
