Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
