so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
