Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
please come you make the beer taste better
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
