are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
