my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
