I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
