We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
