I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
