You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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