his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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