It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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