I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
