so that wasnt chicken after all
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
