she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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