There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
