i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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