I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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