brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
