haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
