Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
