Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
