When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You were trust falling into bushes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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