Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
