Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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