Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
