the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
