Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
