My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
