you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
