The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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