I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
