Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
