Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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