Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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