There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
