Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
