Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
