just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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