Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
