Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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