There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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