im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
