I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
