Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
