Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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