I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
my poor anus
my liver is dry heaving
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
