i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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