you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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