I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
