I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
