I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
