You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
